Overwhelmed much?

It’s been a while since my last post, and a lot has happened since then; I met a friend from back home in China and we traveled through Tibetan towns in Eastern Sichuan, hiked the world’s deepest gorge in Yunnan…we got to see some amazing sights and experience some amazing things.  (all my pictures are posted on facebook, you should probably check them out…)

Now that I’m back I suddenly feel overwhelmed and homesick. 

I didn’t get to communicate much with people back home while I was gone and catching up seemed harder this time.  Things happening over skype just aren’t the same; seeing the kids open their birthday presents over skype just isn’t the same as in real life; tears from a card, hearing the news about a pregnancy, a birth, a death…it’s just not the same when you’re not there to feel it in person.  I just feel like when I get home everything is going to BAM hit me.  Overwhelming.

Then there’s this thing life that keeps making me question what I’m going to do, it’s the question of the year really.  When I get back to Canada, I have four months left of school and then BAM I’m graduated.  Then what? Then where?  It’s scary.  I don’t like making decisions in regular situations…coffee or tea?  cookies or cakes?  really I’m usually okay with whatever, but life; well that’s a different story.  I can’t really be indifferent on this choice.  And life seems to be kind of a big deal…overwhelming. 

There are a lot of ideas in this head of mine, a lot of factors weighing in on each of those ideas, a lot of thinking going on in this head of mine…and really no decisions can be made yet, but that doesn’t stop my head from thinking.

People tell me not to worry, and I’m not, really.  But I’m still thinking.  and thinking. and thinking.  I feel like there are so many doors with my name on them, I just don’t know which one to open.  Which one I’m supposed to open.  And maybe there are some of those sneaky trap doors around, that I’ve yet to discover…and then one day BAM I’ll stumble upon them.  Actually that would be awesome; I hope I stumble upon the sneakiest, swell-est, trap door of all time and literally fall right into where I’m supposed be.  That would be awesome…epic.