You say “No” (again), I *sigh*…

 

So.  After a month of interviewing with my supposed dream job in China, they have informed me that they are pursuing…not me.  And although the first rejection from them crushed my heart, this one didn’t really.  I know that I could’ve been a great addition, really they would have been lucky to have me…but they chose not to, and that has to be for a reason.  Now I have to figure out why.

I have some ideas in this head of mine.  You see, I think I’m a pretty stellar individual, my experiences, my attitude, my natural talents, they make me a pretty good catch; I know it.  Even with all my awesome-ness, I have been rejected by countless people and organizations for the past 8 or so months.  Some people say that I’m probably setting my sights too high, some people say that the people hiring wouldn’t know an excellent candidate if it hit them between the eyes, I say that maybe I’m not supposed to be entering the working world just yet.  Maybe there’s somewhere else, something else I’m supposed to be doing.  Maybe my heart is for missions, and maybe I should be taking a step of faith and commit to submersing myself in an atmosphere that would change the path of my life. 

Oh. goodness. 

Does that scare you?  Because it kind of scares me. 

I never wanted to be a soap box preacher, I never wanted to evangelize, I never wanted to be that bible-thumping religious fanatic; now I see that I still don’t want to do those things, but I do want to show people the God that I know.  I want to live like Jesus would so that people will wonder why I live my life the way I do and ask me why.  I want to use my passions to impact others, so people will ask me why.  I want to turn my sufferings into joy so that people will ask me how.  I want to be bold.  I want to live with passion.  I want to engage, I want to embrace, I want to encourage.

I think I need to surround myself with people who live like this.  I think I need some direction.  I think I might enroll in a Discipleship Training School (dts) in the fall.

Minutes after talking with Glen from YWAM Hockey, who is hoping to run a dts in the fall/who gave me some much needed encouragement, I stumbled upon a summer job in Saskatchewan that would allow me to almost save enough for school/outreach, (and let me see my beautiful nephew all the time!).  Coincidence?  Maybe yes, maybe no.

I know that attending a DTS would change my life, I know that it will probably change the path that I choose to take.  I think that’s an epic opportunity.  Honestly, it makes my heart beat faster and fills me with fear….but in a good kind of way, in a life changing kind of way.  Right now, I’m kind of banking on getting this job in Melfort, and subsequently committing to going to a dts this fall…if I don’t get it, I’ll rethink plans next week. 

Moral of the story?  I’m not sure yet, but keep me in your prayers.