If Home is Where the Heart is…

 

…where’s my home?

Because my heart isn’t really in Calgary.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m super grateful to have a “real” job, a roof over my head, two roommates who are super swell and a couple good friends in the near vicinity…but I’m not fooling anyone if I were to say that Calgary is home.

I’ve come to the decision that I should either be living in Saskatchewan so that I can be near my amazing family, or I should be in China so I can be excited about living an adventure everyday. 

Last time I was home, I got to hold my new baby nephew; hear his giggles and watch him be beautiful.  I got to chit chat with my little sister who grew up sometime between my high school days and now and bond over China with my ‘little’ twin brother who’s know soaking in the culture that I miss.  And when I had to say goodbye four days later…I cried and cried. 

When I got back to Calgary and retold my Saskatchewan adventures…I cried again.  And realized that half my heart is with my family in Saskatchewan.

So some friends say, well if saying good bye to come back to Calgary breaks your heart….how would you ever manage China?  Obviously they’ve never seen me in mad Mandarin action; because when I get the opportunity to reminisce with China folk in their native tongue…I get that twinkle in my eye and my whole week is made. 

I’ve almost come to the conclusion that I can’t have both.  I can’t have my family and my China adventure dreams.  I can have one, or the other…right now I have neither.

Half my heart is in Saskatchewan.  Half my heart is in China.  My body is in a city where it doesn’t belong and I’m doing all I can to try and find a home.  But I’ve been trying to find this home for a year come August, and for some reason it doesn’t want to be found.

So.  Good things better come to those who wait.